Wednesday, 15 August 2007


Avoids occupational activities
Views self as socially inept
Occupied with being criticized or rejected
Inhibited in new interpersonal situations
Declines to get involved with people
Embarrassed by engaging in new activities
Refrains from intimate relationships

If you wondering what that is; it is a mnemonic for Avoident Personality Disorder. I have not been diagnosed with this or anything; but it does sound far far to familiar. I know the things I desperately want I also know I only seem to screw it up when I try and achieve it. Saying that maybe I have APD won't fix it; in fact it won't fix me; but perhaps maybe you might understand why I have stupid fears (like being caught crying) why I might get overly stressed and panicky when talking about how I feel and why I will desperately try and avoid situations that you consider normal. I already know it is in my head but sometimes it feels like it is all real.

I will try and fix this; but I am not to sure how. I am not going to counsellor's, they tried to fix me when I didn't need fixing and now I have a wardrobe of personalities for different occasions. Can only imagine what they might try and do now.

Baby steps... first step admitting there is a problem (complete) second step.... not to sure what that is just yet.


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