Thursday, 29 May 2008

Parlo Italiano

Gradually bit by bit I am learning to use my Italian in more then just selective groups of words. I am beginning to learn to put together my own sentences. All with the help of my verbs. Up until know I never considered verbs to be so important, but that might partly be because I never considered words such as am, and have and are as verbs before. Anyway I will show you what I can now write all on my own.

Ho una sorella, due madre e uno papa. Una Madre ha due figli, una figlia e uno figlio. Non mia sorella e fratello. Mio papa e una madre vivere in americano. Mia nonna paterna e chiamata Marge e mia sorella Lisa. Il nostro cognome e Simpson.
If you translate that you will read I have a pope. this is due to the fact that daddy in Italian has an accent over the last a. I don't have accents for my letter a's. Also there a lots of and's interchange them with is where it makes sense an e with an accent is an is and an e without is an and. Oh an figli can mean kids, doesn't have to be just sons.

An out of class sentence for your amusement.
Togliti i pantaloni. Voglio succhi il tuo pene.
Beware the resturant that drops the n. You want penne pasta not pene.

Sunday, 25 May 2008

Avete quanto necessario per diventare il numero uno?

I've been thinking for a while that there are times when it is kind of required that you have 'special' people in your life for specific rolls in your life from this point in my life on. People to witness signatures, people to sign registries, people to organize my will after I die and people to be 'god'parents to my potential children. At the moment I dunno who I would put in those roles. So I thought I would create a form for you to fill in and let me know why you should have a special role in my future.

Your Details
Sex: M F Yes

Quality of FriendshipLength of time you knew I existed:
Quantity of years as friends:

Personal ArgumentReason you think you should be given high ranking positions in my future life in 25 words or less:

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Che e il loro papa?

Lets play who is their daddy? I would like you to meet my 4 children
The Twins -Dominique and Conrad (aka Con&Dom), Peter the IV and Powerfat.

Dom likes picking Daisy's and playing The Sims 3.
Con likes his tricycle and wants to be a computer programmer.

Peter the IV loves to swim and paint his brothers teddy pink.
Powerfat likes to play wow and watch cartoons. When he grows up he wants to be a ninja just like Naruto.

The question I put towards you is who are their daddies?
Due to the marvellous technology provided by face book, Powerfat and Peter the IV where birthed by their fathers.

Monday, 12 May 2008


That is it! I am going on Strike!

I am not going to do anymore then the bare minimumn until the program I implimented to make everybodies lives a little easier by showing the all the information in the same place, (an not exceptionally unique idea) and also keep track of all the orders is being used. Orders are constantly coming through that do not have their information there and people expect me to find the details that they know in their heads.

I am tired of tracking down emails that have the shipping address on it which could have been copy and pasted straight in. I am tired of searching the white pages for companies that aren't in there, because you didn't spell it right in the first place. Or trying to remember what person a sample is supposed to go to when I don't talk to your customer and not done anything for your customer in anyway shape or form and thus will never be able to remember because it is not to be found in my head!

Your Chinese I am sure you understands this one, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink" If you don't start drinking I am going to pull your head under and hold you there till you drown! In main I made this program to make my life a whole lot easier but over all it should make every bodies a whole lot easier because we won't be losing clients and you can stop blaming me because an order was incorrect. Are you afraid people will discover how incompetent you are?!?! I already know and your no smarter then the rest of them! So whilst I would fire you, they won't so you will keep your job.

I realize your all a bunch of lazy arses and the idea of entering data on a client is a pain, but if you do it this once you can send stuff to the client as many times as you want after that and guess what; you don't have to enter any more details, unless there are changes like they moved address, then it a tiny adjustment.

Also Why can't you remember your ABC's?!?!? You learnt them in preschool! Easy as ABC, 123 and Do Ra Me! All the little tabs in your folders that say the alphabet letters on them, you don't have to be a genius to figure that if it says A you put all the company's that start with A behind that tab, same for the B's and so on!

An while we are at it STOP LEAVING YOUR QUOTES ON MY DESK! If you put your quote in the program I wouldn't need to see it for a start. 2 it ends up on my desk for months and months with no home no owner and is just a big giant pain! I WILL THROW THEM OUT!

Lastly, I might be the receptionist by title but I am so much smarter then you, so stop blaming me when things go wrong! Else next time you stuff up your computer I am not going to help you! An if you continue to whine (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) I am going to slap you and tell you what I think of you and that is "Go get a computer class, computers have advanced since 1982. You now work for a small company thus we don't have the money for big out of house created programs. Pull your head out your arse and learn to use other programs other then outlook and stop complaining that the program isn't working, it's not working because your an idiot. You are lucky to have me and I am only learning computers in a serious way, but I have a long fuse and excellent temper and I WILL TAKE IT OUT ON YOU!"

Thursday, 8 May 2008

Attention All Cooks!

May I introduce to you the new age of computer technology in the kitchen!

Ok so it isn't actually in existence but dude this is going to be the best thing ever!

Close your eyes and imagine your nice clean tidy kitchen, the world of your ultimate yummiest creations. The room in the house that sustains lives! Now imagine a little thin lcd screen type box on your wall that cooks your meals!

Now open your eyes, are you interested or even slightly curious, what is this marvel?

Actually I hate to put a small pin in that marvellous dream, you'll still have to do the hard work, but this box will make it so much easier. Welcome to the NGK (Nerd Geek's Kitchen) and her newest toy the 'CookBook20,000'!

It consists of waterproof, heatproof, touch screen containing all your recipes. You can plan your weekly menu's in advance, get an accurate shopping list, contain a calendar of household activities and adjust the recipes to only make the required amount. Also tells you when to start cooking the veggies and/or other accompaniments so that everything finishes at the right times. It will keep a list of specific household members likes an dislikes ingredients or dishes. It can give you vegan, gluten free or vegitarian dishes at the press of a button for those more fussy guests. Cooking will be a breeze.

It will have voice activation, so you can say next and get the next step in the recipe while your up to your eyeballs in instant porridge. Small inbuilt printer to print out that shopping list for you to take to the shops. Wireless internet connection, to download new recipes other then those it came with (recipes on it will come from who ever endorses the product (Please please please Woman's Weekly)) Think Itunes for cooking!. A 'laser' keyboard is inbuilt into the base to light up the bench below to enter those secret family recipes handed down through the family.

Say good bye to the accidental spillage on your cookbook rendering the book totally destroyed and unusable. Say goodbye to searching for hours for the page that you like that fell out of the book. Say good bye to the beetroot stains that make a 6 cups look a lot like 8 cups.

I need feed back on this goldmine of an idea! Your input please!

Please note this is my idea an I will sue if you steal my idea!

My Library

If you glance down on the right hand side, there is a large green box (not the one that says Italian help) filled with books and a link to 'My Library'. I realise I am being very forward and presumptuous but if you follow that link you can view a wish list (along with all the books I own eventually) for all the books movies games computer software that I want. Should you ever be stumped for a present to give me.

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Materiale Ragazza

Likely I should have posted this post of interest Monday week ago anyway, due to certain circumstances I have discovered I am not woman of material possessions. I have possessions but I am not desperatly attached to them.

The past few days I have been talking to cops and insurance people, because my car got broken into and I lost my GPS (Simon I miss you) and a very expensive bracelett.

Presently it looks like I will get replacements, or cash for both items, but I did not know this when the event occoured. I had no emotive reaction to it at all, except for don't tell mum about the bracellett. I knew I was up for a lot of money when I replaced it all (my claim is for $2000 you can see how much my bracellett was worth)), but I wasn't distressed about it.

Explains why I'd love to just pack the things I wanna keep (ie books, computer and bed (actually that is about it) and just leave all the other shite I 've surrounded myself behind an start from scratch.

Thursday, 1 May 2008

Il problema dei traduttori

As you know I have a slight fascination with learning Italian. I go to Italiano Scuola (Italian School) every Thursday(Giovedì) night. I am learning, an likely I can speak better Italian then I can write, and as long as I can remember the Italiano sounds and not the English I can read it pretty well, even if I got no clue what it means. So sometimes I find myself wanting to write Italiano messages, or cheating on my homework and I find myself back at the google translators. The more I learn the bigger I want my sentences to be and the broader the topics. It is gradually working less and less.

I wrote:
I thought I would write an tell you a naughty story. I want to put you across my knee your cock between my knees, and spank you hard with my hand on your bare bum.

The translator returned:
Pensavo che scrivere un raccontare una storia maliziose. Voglio metterti in tutta la mia ginocchio il tuo cazzo tra le mie ginocchia, e si spank duro con la mia mano sul tuo culo nudo.

Translated back to English:
I thought that writing a tell a story naughty. I want to get across my knee your cock between my knees, and spank hard with my hand on your ass naked.

By the end I not sure what is happening any more... I know what is happening, but I don't know enough Italian to make sure it is right with out translating in an out. Admittedly I am sure the story could have been amusing, an erotic short story with a heavy accent and terrible gramma

Narnia - principe Caspian

I am counting down the days to the start of Narnia's Prince Caspian. I love the Narnia stories and the first movie has finally achieved my expectations for how it should be produced. One story I won't have to produce myself one day.

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